those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
