my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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