I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize