I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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