Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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