i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
