If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize