My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
