just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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