he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
