My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
