Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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