Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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