exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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