Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have already put on my inside pants.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
