Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
