lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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