I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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