So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We are all done wearing pants today
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
