I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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