she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize