k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
