I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
