i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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