Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
