Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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