y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
