It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
