I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
