my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
