i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
