"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
