This girl is more easily done than said...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
