you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
