I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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