I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
