Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
