I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My pussy is not your playground.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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