dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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