Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
