yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
