Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude. I can hear the air.
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