I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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