my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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