he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
