Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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