I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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