She's JV to your varsity
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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