he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
