i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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