I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
