My cat gives me a boner
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
