clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The air was thick with penises
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
