You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
