I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
