Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
