Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
