Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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