North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
worst night to have a conscience
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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