fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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