apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
