her vagine was all disorganized.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
