I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
