What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
