is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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