I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
