Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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